Psychology glossary
Recurring patterns in relationships have names. Knowing them lets you talk about them instead of merely enduring them. These are the terms commonly used in attachment research and couple communication — briefly explained and linked to one another.
Attachment patterns and self-regulation
Protest Behavior
Why do we become unfair when what we really want is love? Protest behavior (like deliberately ignoring someone or endless reproaches) is an unconscious cry for attention and security when the bond feels threatened.
Read more →Co-Dependency
The line between caring and self-abandonment. When your own well-being and mood depend almost entirely on your partner's behavior or state.
Read more →People-Pleasing (The Harmony Trap)
Besides fight, flight, and freeze, there is a fourth survival strategy: submission (fawning). You put your own needs completely last and try to please your partner at all costs, just to avoid conflict or abandonment.
Read more →Toxic Bonding Dynamics
Why it's so hard to leave toxic dynamics. The constant back-and-forth between extreme stress (fighting/devaluation) and subsequent, extremely intense reconciliation creates a hormonal addiction cocktail in the brain (dopamine + cortisol).
Read more →Deactivation Strategies
Why does your partner suddenly annoy you? The brain uses "deactivation strategies" (focusing on the other person's flaws, a sudden desire for space) to create emotional distance when closeness unconsciously becomes threatening.
Read more →Fear of Engulfment
The deep, often unconscious feeling of losing your own identity, room to breathe, or personal freedom in a close relationship.
Read more →Emotional Dysregulation
Why feelings sometimes hit like a tsunami. The nervous system struggles to calm itself down after a stressor, which leads to extreme emotional swings.
Read more →Emotional Flooding (Overwhelm)
Why everything suddenly grinds to a halt in an argument. Your pulse spikes, the amygdala (the fear center) takes over, and rational thinking shuts down. So you "stonewall" not out of malice, but out of biological overload protection.
Read more →
Conversational dynamics
Validation vs. Solution
Why advice during an argument often backfires. We often want to defend ourselves right away or solve the problem quickly (rationally). But in pain, your partner first needs "validation" – simply acknowledging their feelings, no ifs or buts.
Read more →Contempt as a Relationship Killer
According to Gottman's research, contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm, mockery) is the strongest predictor of a later breakup. It signals moral superiority and directly attacks the foundation of respect.
Read more →Criticism vs. Complaint
A complaint focuses on a specific behavior ("You didn't take out the trash"). Criticism, on the other hand, attacks the person's character ("You're selfish and unreliable").
Read more →Gaslighting (Deliberate Destabilization)
A form of emotional manipulation in which your words are twisted or facts are denied for so long that you begin to doubt your own perception, intuition, and sanity ("You just imagined that").
Read more →Passive Aggression & The Silent Treatment
Anger that isn't expressed openly. Instead, it comes out through sarcasm, "forgetting" agreements, or ignoring someone for days (the silent treatment/withholding affection). An attempt to punish the other person without having to take direct responsibility.
Read more →Love Bombing & Breadcrumbing
Extreme swings: First you're showered with grandiose love and attention (love bombing). When you feel insecure, you later get just enough attention (breadcrumbs) that you don't give up hope, but you're emotionally starving.
Read more →The Karpman Drama Triangle
Persecutor, victim, rescuer. A toxic cycle in which partners constantly swap roles. The rescuer quickly becomes the victim, and the victim becomes the accuser.
Read more →What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries aren't walls against others, but protected spaces for yourself. When we don't set boundaries, resentment builds up inside and later erupts as toxic triggers. Clear communication protects the relationship.
Read more →
Nervous system and thinking patterns
What Happens During a Stressor?
A stressor is not an ordinary annoyance. It's an alarm button in the brain (amygdala hijack). Something in the present reminds your nervous system of an unresolved pain from the past and reflexively triggers a protective fight/flight response.
Read more →The Wounded Inner Child
When a conflict fully escalates, it's often not two adults arguing, but unconsciously wounded parts ("inner children"). A current situation unintentionally scratches an old, unprocessed wound (e.g., the feeling of never being good enough).
Read more →Confirmation Bias
A treacherous filter in the brain: Once your brain has formed a firm belief (e.g., "My partner loves me less"), it will interpret every tiny gesture as the ultimate "proof" of it – and systematically filter out all loving evidence to the contrary.
Read more →Shadow Projections (after C.G. Jung)
The "shadow" contains all the parts of our personality that we locked away (often in childhood) because they were unwelcome (e.g., anger, selfishness, wildness). Paradoxically, we often feel extremely drawn to partners who fully live out these parts – and then hate them later for exactly that.
Read more →Projection (Defense Mechanism)
What bothers me about you is often what I reject in myself. Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which we unconsciously transfer our own unloved traits, faults, or feelings onto our partner.
Read more →Polyvagal Theory (Nervous System)
Your body often steers conflicts before your brain even catches up. Polyvagal theory describes how our nervous system switches lightning-fast between fight/flight and total numbness/freeze (freeze/shutdown) when it perceives a threat.
Read more →Transactional Analysis (Eric Berne)
Do you suddenly argue like children or scold each other like strict parents? Transactional analysis reveals when we leave our "adult level." Often one person's "critical parent" instantly triggers the other's "defiant child."
Read more →
These texts support self-reflection. They are not a diagnosis and do not replace therapy.